Therapy today and home to write. Many old feelings stirred up and old beliefs are screaming at me. I don’t think of taking a drink but I think: hot chocolate with marshmallow cream; two Dunkin Donuts; one of those chewy cookies left over from Christmas dunked in a strong decaf.
When is it OK to soothe myself with food and when is it better to say “Don’t pick up” even to a cookie? When is it OK to take to my bed or to the couch or to the TV? When is buying new shoes an act of self-care and giving myself a treat and when is it a way to numb and block the feelings?
Years ago in Overeaters Anonymous I used to hear the difference between recovery in AA compared to recovery in OA explained like this:
In AA you put the tiger in his cage and keep him locked up. In OA you have to take the tiger for a walk three times a day.
I want to give the tiger a cookie. I want to let the tiger cry.