Thursday, January 29, 2009

Thinking about Thinking

I begin this day in fear. The old “free floating anxiety”, though in truth there is enough real stuff to trigger these fears: the cold, the economy, people at work, health worries, my man, his health worries. The menu of middle age captures all of it.

But I do my Pilates and feel the fear.

Is there anything in this messy mix I can do anything about?

Anything in this one, specific day?

Then I remember reading this:

“You feel the way you do right now because of the thoughts you are thinking right now.”

That’s from David Burns.

So I review my thoughts since waking: he will die, I’ll get sick, I’m getting old, she is mad at me, she probably doesn’t like me anymore, I’ll lose my job, his family doesn’t approve, my writing will fail, God wants me to be better too. And the grand finale: I’ll be alone.

Hmmmmm…..Wonder why I feel bad?

Am I willing to work against those thoughts? It’s not as easy as changing my mind. This is like Pilates. I have to retrain my thinking muscles.

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