Monday, January 05, 2009

Monday of the New Year

The first Monday of the New Year. Back to work. A new me? I make resolutions and goals and intentions. The hardest is an old one to “go as me”. In early recovery I would often ask of wonder, “Who do I go as?” the consequence of losing identity and authenticity and sense of self over so many years of pleasing others and pushing my own preferences, opinions and identity way below the surface and anchoring it there with alcohol, food and compulsive behavior. Years of being what alanon calls, “a chameleon on plaid”. How is that for stress...a chameleon on plaid? the first time I heard that I knew not just what it means but the exact lived experience of being that chameleon. Now again another year, another layer peeled away, another set of intentions and hopes, more layers of recovery, mining to find the me that once was and always is. Restored to sanity also means sifting thru the archeology of self and finding who is in here and under all that plaid. My new year. More will be revealed.

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