Dirge Without Music

I am not resigned to the shutting away of loving hearts in the hard ground.

So it is, and so it will be, for so it has been, time out of mind:

Into the darkness they go, the wise and the lovely.  Crowned

With lilies and with laurel they go; but I am not resigned.

Lovers and thinkers, into the earth with you.

Be one with the dull, the indiscriminate dust.

A fragment of what you felt, of what you knew,

A formula, a phrase remains,—but the best is lost.

The answers quick and keen, the honest look, the laughter, the love,—

They are gone.  They are gone to feed the roses.  Elegant and curled

Is the blossom.  Fragrant is the blossom.  I know.  But I do not approve.

More precious was the light in your eyes than all the roses in the world.

Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave

Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind;

Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.

I know.  But I do not approve.  And I am not resigned.

Enda St. Vincent Millay

Ebby and Bill

Today is a special day in AA history. On this day, December 14, in 1934, Ebby Thatcher came to visit his old drinking buddy, Bill Wilson, and in Bill and Lois’s Brooklyn kitchen Ebby gave his testimony and took Bill Wilson through the Oxford Group conversion process. What we today call steps 4, 5, 6, 7 and 8. It was Ebby’s gift to Bill and the gift that has been passed on to all of us. In the Oxford Group one could take all of those steps in one evening: The inventory, the confession, the examination, and then making the list of people harmed. Then one went out to make restitution—later called amends. Ebby was Bill’s sponsor. It began here—one drunk helping another. Bill was willing. He saw something in Ebby. He wanted what Ebby had.  From this start we get Bill W. committed to sobriety. From a cold flat in Brooklyn to the rest of the world.  We know that Ebby later struggled. But he was well used by God. Thank you Ebby.

Be the Heroine

I read this yesterday:

"Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim".

                   
                                    --Nora Ephron

Recipe for Real Recovery

So what is sobriety? What do you need to have, see, feel and do to say you are sober or really recovering? I’ve been chewing on this question while writing the book of this blog.

One of the best short versions of what constitutes sobriety comes from Terry Gorski who has written a lot about recovery and relapse. If you’ve done some ACOA work you’ll also know his name from the fabulously funny talk on recovery and dating that he gave. In my early years we passed his tapes around and quoted his lines to each other –it was recovery stand-up, brilliant and funny.

I’ve gone back to his 1986 book, “Staying Sober” for this recipe for recovery, and here is what he says:

“Sobriety is Abstinence from addictive drugs PLUS Abstinence from compulsive behaviors PLUS Improvements in bio/psycho/social health.”

That’s a pretty good way to ask the daily question: Am I sober now?

Be a Good Tenant

Each morning I sit on the couch with my coffee and before I read my three newspapers I like to read something that inspires me or redirects my thinking. I have a big pile of recovery and spiritual and self-help books. One of my favorites is a small paperback called, "The Soul Workout" by Helen H Moore. The subtitle is "Getting and Staying Spiritually Fit". I like that. I can relate my recovery to fitness, Pilates, running, swimming so this book always hits home.

Here's a gem from today's reading:

"Live like a good tenant who is asked to house-sit a mansion. (Because that's actually what you are.) Don't treat your body or your life like a rock star in a hotel room."

Praying the Room

Recently I was given a great piece of spiritual advice. I was worried about an upcoming meeting at work and I was agonizing over what I needed to say, what others might say and how it would all go. I knew I wanted God to work through me and I was using the prayer that I use whenever I chair an AA meeting: “Please let me carry your message and not my ego.”

I mentioned this to a friend and she made this suggestion:

“Before the meeting go into the room where the meeting will be held and pray the room…Pray in the actual room so that you have invited God into the space where you’ll most need his guidance.”

It was amazing. I went down the hall to the empty conference room and sat for a few minutes. I prayed and invited God to be in that room with all of us and yes, to keep my ego out of it. Twenty minutes later I returned to the room for the meeting. It went well.  I said what I needed to say, not perfectly but I remembered it was no longer about me. And so I was fine.

I can’t wait to use this again for staff meetings and Board meetings and committee meetings any place where I tend to tip toward fear or ego.

The Don't Do List

While I was away on retreat last week I started reading a new book about

Recovery and creativity. The book is called “The Artist’s Rule—a 12 week

Journey” and the author is Christine Valters Painters.

Christine who is a spiritual director and a Benedictine Oblate

and an artist. In this 12-week course she uses spiritual

teachings from the Benedictine Tradition to look at

spirituality and creativity.

While it’s designed as a “course” this is a book you

 can open anywhere And just dip in as needed

—or to be inspired.

The lesson I read this morning gave the suggestion of

making lists. I love lists so I jumped in.

Then I read that instead of making another

“to-do” list as is my habit. We are to make

a list called “Stop Doing List” and then another one

called our “To Be List”.

The game is to do these  quickly without a lot of thought

and see what you have to say for yourself.

My To-Be list included:

Writer

Still

Quiet

Happy

In love

Ayurvedic

Dancer.

My Stop-Doing list included:

Worrying

Rushing

Racing

Competing

Comparing

Bragging

Give these lists a try. Do them fast.

Do them three mornings in a row.

See  what comes up.

Then make your regular to-do list.