Ebby and Bill

Today is a special day in AA history. On this day, December 14, in 1934, Ebby Thatcher came to visit his old drinking buddy, Bill Wilson, and in Bill and Lois’s Brooklyn kitchen Ebby gave his testimony and took Bill Wilson through the Oxford Group conversion process. What we today call steps 4, 5, 6, 7 and 8. It was Ebby’s gift to Bill and the gift that has been passed on to all of us. In the Oxford Group one could take all of those steps in one evening: The inventory, the confession, the examination, and then making the list of people harmed. Then one went out to make restitution—later called amends. Ebby was Bill’s sponsor. It began here—one drunk helping another. Bill was willing. He saw something in Ebby. He wanted what Ebby had.  From this start we get Bill W. committed to sobriety. From a cold flat in Brooklyn to the rest of the world.  We know that Ebby later struggled. But he was well used by God. Thank you Ebby.

Happy Birthday Mrs. Wilson

March 4^th is a special day to millions of people in 12 step programs. It is the birthday of Lois Wilson who might, with great affection, be called the most famous co-dependent. She was the wife of Bill Wilson, co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Ebby T., son of a prominent Albany family, first “carried the message” to a very deteriorated Bill Wilson. The message Ebby brought to Bill and Lois was that he had gotten sober through the help of the Oxford Group, an evangelical Christian movement. The six steps of reformation that the Oxford Group used were forerunner of today’s 12 steps.

At Ebby’s urging Lois and Bill began to attend Oxford Group meetings and a few months later, on a trip to Akron, Bill reached out to members there and met Dr. Bob Smith. From the date of their meeting--one drinker helping another--we date the birth of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Those early meetings were held in private homes. Wives accompanied their husbands and took charge of the refreshments. While the men coached each other through confession and repentance in the parlor, the wives sat in the kitchen, confessing their own frustrations as they discovered the common impact that alcohol had on their families.
To her dismay, Lois later wrote, Bill’s sobriety didn’t bring the happiness she expected. While he was drinking, Lois had played a central if troubled role in Bill’s life. Now, as he recovered she felt less important. This resentment over Bill finally achieving sobriety without her help troubled Lois. She and other wives, who had lived on the edge emotionally and financially, realized that the 12 steps “could also work for the wives”. 

Every organization has history and myth. History tells us that the very first meetings in which the wives of alcoholics began to study the 12 steps began in San Francisco, but the myth, always more powerful, says that Lois Wilson began the program in New York.

The truth is somewhere in the middle. All over the country, as AA grew, it was women who often were first to seek help for their families. Lois and other wives offered support and promoted a spiritual program. At conventions Lois took the podium to tell her side of the Wilson family story, sharing with humor the lengths she went to control Bill’s drinking and the humiliation she endured as she realized she could not.

As Bill W. took on the role of father of AA, it added a nice symmetry to have Lois as the mother of Al-Anon. Positioning Lois atop the recovery pantheon was strategic; She was a doctor’s daughter, with a college education. Lois gave a respectable face to a problem that was shameful and secretive.

In 1957 Al-Anon gained broad public recognition when Lois Wilson appeared on the Loretta Young television show bringing the problem of alcoholism and its impact on the family directly into America’s living rooms.

But there is always danger when one is placed on a pedestal. Lois was criticized because she couldn’t do in her own home what she advocated for others: setting limits on bad behavior. While Bill did stay sober for many years he was also a chronic womanizer. The fact of his adultery was made public when in his will, he left part of the royalties from “the Big Book”, AA’s text, to his last mistress.

It may be that in this very personal and painful way Lois Wilson left us her finest legacy of recovery. Al-Anon with its mission of respectability for families affected by alcoholism, has today more than 30,000 groups in 100 countries. She also, by her graceful life and the imperfection in her marriage, gave us an embodiment of AA’s slogan, “Progress not perfection”.   Thank you Lois.

Remembering Ebby Thatcher

On March 21st, 1966 Ebby Thacher died in Ballston Spa New York. Ebby was Bill Wilson’s sponsor and the man who first carried the recovery message to a very ill Bill W. in Brooklyn thirty years earlier. Ebby’s role is documented in our Big Book in the chapter called “ Bill’s Story” and in the many history books about AA.

The message that Ebby brought to Bill that cold, damp night was not AA, of course—there was no AA until later that year. But Ebby offered Bill the message and practices of The Oxford Group—an evangelical Christian movement that saved drunks. Our AA 12 steps evolved from the six similar steps of the Oxford Group.

Ebby struggled to stay sober while Bill and then Bob went on to “found” Alcoholics Anonymous. But on this day we must remember there would be no AA and no Bill or Dr Bob without Ebby. In that way Ebby was well used by God

We never know the role we are playing in someone’s life or what our momentary actions might mean to something or someone much later.

Thank you Ebby for carrying what you could and doing what you did.

Self Will Run Riot

We talk a lot about God’s will, our will and self-will. We talk about ourselves and others and shake our heads at “self-will run riot.”

But we forget that our fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous exists today because of self will run riot in our dear founder, Bill Wilson.

We recall the history of AA. Our beginning was in The Oxford Group. Rowland Hazzard who was treated by Carl Jung brought the practices of the Oxford Group to Ebby Thacher who—as described in the Big Book—brought the Oxford Group message to Bill Wilson at his kitchen table in Brooklyn. With Ebby’s help Bill stopped drinking and later—as we know—Bill—an Oxford Group member went to Akron where he met and helped Dr. Bob Smith. It was all Oxford Group theory, belief, practice and fellowship.

But Bill is a sales guy and a dreamer. He is offered a job helping alcoholics at Towns Hospital. Bill says yes. But the Oxford Group says no. The Oxford Group believed there should be no fees and no professional positions regarding providing help to alcoholics. The Oxford Group believed in making decisions by group conscience, and that members must “give it away”. (Sound familiar?) Bill’s Oxford Group in New York told Bill he could not take the job at Towns Hospital. So Bill quits the Oxford Group and starts his own meetings. Alcoholics Anonymous comes into existence because of self- will run riot.

You just have to laugh at this paradox and maybe you also have to be around a while to not let Bill Wilson shake your belief in AA.

Ebby and Bill

Today is a special day in AA history. On this day, December 14, in 1934, Ebby Thatcher came to visit his old drinking buddy, Bill Wilson, and in Bill and Lois’s Brooklyn kitchen Ebby gave his testimony and took Bill Wilson through the Oxford Group conversion process. What we today call steps 4, 5, 6, 7 and 8. It was Ebby’s gift to Bill and the gift that has been passed on to all of us. In the Oxford Group one could take all of those steps in one evening: The inventory, the confession, the examination, and then making the list of people harmed. Then one went out to make restitution—later called amends. Ebby was Bill’s sponsor. It began here—one drunk helping another. Bill was willing. He saw something in Ebby. He wanted what Ebby had. From this start we get Bill W. committed to sobriety. From a cold flat in Brooklyn to the rest of the world. We know that Ebby later struggled. But he was well used by God. Thank you Ebby.

Ebby Dies in 1966

On this day in 1966 Ebby Thacher died in Ballston Spa New York. Ebby was Bill Wilson’s sponsor and the man who first carried the recovery message to a very ill Bill W. in Brooklyn 30 years earlier. Ebby’s role is documented in our Big Book in Bill’s story and of course in the many history books about AA.

The message that Ebby brought to Bill that cold, drunk night was not AA, of course—there was no AA until later that year. But Ebby brought the message and practices of The Oxford Group—an evangelical Christian movement that also saved drunks. Our 12 steps evolved from the six steps of the Oxford Group.

Ebby struggled to stay sober while Bill and then Bob went on to “found” Alcoholics Anonymous. But on this day we must remember there would be no AA and no Bill or Dr Bob without Ebby.

We never know the role we are playing in someone’s life or what our momentary good might someday be part of.

Thank you Ebby for carrying what you could and doing what you did.

December 14 1934 Ebby and Bill

A special day in the history of AA. On this day, December 14, in 1934, Ebby Thatcher took Bill Wilson through steps 4, 5, 6, 7 and 8. In the Oxford Group taking all of these steps could happen in an evening. The inventory, the confession, the examination, the asking and the list. Then sent out to make restitution—later amends. Ebby as sponsor, passing it on. Bill willing. From this day we get a Bill W. committed to sobriety. From a cold flat in Brooklyn to the rest of the world. Thank you Ebby.

Happy Birthday Ebby

On April 29 1896 Ebby (Edwin) Thacher was born into a prominent and well-to-do family in Albany, New York. His grandfather was the main supplier of wheels for the New York Central Railroad and the Mayor of Albany. Two other members of Ebby’s family were Albany mayors, including his brother Jack. Ebby and his brothers all attended the Albany Academy, which is where evidence of his future role in American social and spiritual history would first appear. Twice he was suspended from the Academy for drinking and school records show that his struggle with alcohol began at a very early age.

In Alcoholics Anonymous we know Ebby as the man (described in “As Bill Sees It”) who carried the message of recovery to Bill Wilson. It was Ebby T.—whom Bill Wilson calls, “my old friend” who came that cold late night to his Brooklyn kitchen, his eyes shining, telling Bill he was no longer drinking. A month later Ebby visited Bill in Towns Hospital and took Bill through the Six Steps of the Oxford Group—which would, in Bill’s hands, become The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob Smith are credited with the founding of Alcoholics Anonymous but it was Ebby Thacher, the man Bill called his sponsor who was the first to carry the message of the steps to another alcoholic laying to corner stone of what has been called “the most important social and spiritual transformation of the 20th century.”

Today millions of lives have been saved and changed through Alcoholics Anonymous and the other 12 step programs (NA, OA, Al-Anon, etc.) that built on the simple message that Ebby Thacher brought to Bill Wilson in 1934.

Ebby Thacher died sober in Ballston Spa, New York March 21st, 1966.

Happy Birthday Ebby and Thank you!

Ebby Thatcher

March 21 1966 Ebby Thatcher died in Ballston Spa, New York. Ebby was the man who Bill Wilson called his sponsor because it was Ebby who came to Bill in his Brooklyn kitchen November 1934 and told how he had stopped drinking.

We know this as a central part of “Bill’s Story” on pages 8 to 14 in The Big Book. On page 11, Bill writes:

“But my friend sat before me, and he made the point-blank declaration that God had done for him what he could not do for himself. His human will had failed.”

Ebby stayed sober for a few years and then drank again. He sobered up with the new program—it had morphed from the Oxford Group to become AA. In and out he went—struggling with jobs and relationships. In the last few years of his life Ebby lived with a community of AA people in Ballston Spa who ensured that he did not drink, so that he would be able to die not drinking.

I celebrate Ebby because it is clear that he was used by God. Not to be an AA star like Bill, but to carry the message and be a cog in the wheel. The consequences for his own life are not the stuff that any of us in sobriety wish for but we owe this deep debt to Ebby T. for getting Bill Wilson sober. And the rest is our history.