I Don't Want No More Addictions

One of the best things I brought home from the conference on addiction this week was the absolute conviction that I do not want to relapse to any past addictions. And I do not want any new addictions. I was humbled and awed, and slightly terrified,  hearing story after story about addictions I had not met --yet: gambling, sex, Internet etc.

As moved as I was by the compassion and creativity of the professionals I heard presenting I was also moved by the collective pain represented by the addiction stories that the treatment folks described. And I heard too many stories of folks who had been long in recovery and long sober who were undone by some other thing that either took them back to their original drug or destroyed their sober life in a shockingly new way.

So maybe it was a wake up call to my complacency, or it was the realization that an addict is an addict and we can change up the form of our destruction any time, or maybe it was a blessing and emotional recommitment to full sized recovery-or what I used to call my "all encompassing recovery". I don't want to separate my past drinking and past disordered eating from the sleeping meds and prescribed medications and the money issues or the shopping or the--mother and root of them all: relationship issues.

That was there in story after story the past four days. Whether the drug was gambling or sex or booze or food or  illicit drugs or perfectly responsible drugs used irresponsibly-in every story there was a co-combatent of relationship struggles.

For me that means that the biggest work I have to do is inside of me and on my relationship with my higher power. This weekend I really understood what it means to say, "But for the grace of God"

Relapse is Worse in Longterm Recovery

I just love Renew Magazine—it’s all about recovery, treatment options, recovering people, with many surprising angles and approaches to recovery.

This week I read a piece in Renew by Tracey Dee Raub about relapse and it literally made me sit up and slow down. In the first paragraph she says the 90% of recovering people will have at least one relapse in the first four years. That’s scary. And maybe—here in Out of the Woods land—it’s just scary for folks we know…but here is what is scary for those of us with 10 or more years: “Those who move into long-term sobriety have this daunting reality to heed: People with more recovery time are less likely to return to a program of recovery after a relapse than those who are new to recovery.”

Ok—that is daunting. If we relapse we don’t go back…we suffer, struggle and die or even worse, don’t die—just live miserable lives again.

I do not want that Sam I Am. No I don’t.  

The article goes on to describe why people relapse: S.L.I.P.-- Sobriety Lost Its Priority. Raub did some great homework for this piece. She has powerful statistics on relapse. She quotes Deni Carise from Phoenix House who says that, “The predictors of relapse in substance abuse, diabetes, asthma and hypertension are all the same. With all of them, if you don’t take the medicine and you don’t follow professional guidance, you will relapse. The top relapse predictors are the same in all four chronic illnesses. And the more sobriety you have the less likely it is that you will survive a relapse.

Remember that AA quote that says, while you are sitting in the meeting your addiction is over in the corner doing pushups? Turns out it’s true and statistically valid.

So I am bookmarking this article to re-read every month. I haven’t thought of my addictions as illnesses in a long time but I’m back, and I want to stay back. Looking at the relapse stats for folks with longtime recovery has given me pause. 

Stages of Relapse

Every month I review this list of the Eight Stages of Relapse. It’s a kind of mini-inventory or mental tune-up and reality check for me:

1. The beginnings of secret dissatisfaction.

2. Boredom or frustration at home or at work.

3. Relationships change.

4. Return of denial.

5. Emotional drift—away from significant others, friends, AA people, meetings, sponsor.

6. Anger and resentment.

7. Depression and dishonesty.

8. Relapse.

The Eight Stages of Relapse

I recently heard a speaker discussing relapse: How it begins and what to watch out for. His list of the eight stages can work as a daily or weekly checklist. It’s another way to take a mini inventory for the heath of your sobriety.

Here are the Eight Stages of Relapse:

1. Beginnings of secret dissatisfaction.

2. Boredom or frustration at work or at home.

3. Relationships change.

4. Return of denial.

5. Emotional drift—(away from AA, friends, sponsor, supports.)

6. Anger and Resentment.

7. Depression and Dishonesty.

8. Relapse.