Not So Fast: An Insight I Didn't Want to Have

This is the  P.S. to my last post about feeling crazy. This weekend I was telling my sponsor about how stressed I feel and how much of my  stress is coming from the gifts of recovery: great job, happy marriage, many friends, community activities, lots of writing and public speaking and teaching--everything in the "Beyond My Wildest Dreams" basket.

But still--stress. So much to do. Only 24 hours, etc.

But I promised myself --and my husband--that we'd have fun during this long weekend. So we went to the movies, and out to dinner, and today we did a  beautiful hike along a fast moving creek. Just heaven.

And driving home it hit me: my thinking is all off. Most of the time when I feel stressed I try to speed up. I try to hurry up. I try to do more. I have this belief that if I can get a little bit more done then the stress will go away.

But (and you probably already see the craziness here) I realized (and really fought this like crazy):

When I am stressed I need to do LESS not more.

(Please write back quickly and tell me that this is not true).

But I think it is true: When I am stressed I need to do LESS not more.

Today's little break--a hike, new sights, moving water (and new office supplies!!!) made me so happy and relaxed.

Live and learn. (However reluctantly)  :)

Be Here Now

You've heard every version of this wisdom but every now and then you can hear some guidance that really let's you hear it. Here's mine. Yesterday I read this:

"Be in the present. Stress and anxiety happen when you are managing the future."

As if :)

Time Management

For years I have bought, read and tried every new time management system. Day Runner, Day Planner, Franklin Covey, FiloFax, and Letts of London--just because they are so beautiful. I make lists--my lists have lists. My Post-Its are color coded. I do laundry during TV and text at the hairdresser. But even after years of recovery I have a knot in my stomache about how much I want to do and how much is undone.

Yesterday it hit me. There is a time managment "system" I have not really tried: The 12 Steps of AA.

Think about it; it's all there. Powerlessness, acceptance, and humility. What can one person do in 24 hours. The arrogance of beliving I can do more. The dishonesty of believing I can fit more in a day, an hour or a minute than will fit. And the cruelty of pushing myself and shaming myself for all that is undone.

Where is the faith in a Higher Power? Where is belief that I am doing God's work--in God's time? And where is peace?