Burn This Book

“The Little Engine That Could”, by Watty Piper was my favorite book as a little girl. I had the version of the book that came with a little 45 rpm record and I’d play the record on my kiddy turntable and turn the pages of the book. I loved the little train and his little smile and I loved that he could do what the big black locomotive could not.

This morning I realized that the “Little Engine” book is a demon. Of course, yes, the message hit the ripe and ready core of an ACOA girl in just the right (wrong) way but when I quiet down and listen to some of my inner voices this is what I hear:

You could do it all. If you just worked just a little harder. If you just applied yourself. If you just got yourself better organized. If you used all the features on your Smartphone…

These are the devil’s messages, I swear. They keep me running; keep me believing that perfection is just around the corner, one color-coded closet away, one 36-hour day jammed into 24.

Sorry Little Engine. I think I can’t.

Recovering From Perfection

Yesterday talking to a colleague about the need to do it all and do it, well she shared with me something that helped her begin to move past her perfectionism. She was told that she “succeeded in spite of perfectionism not because of it.” I had to let that sink in over several hours. It seems impossible but I’m just starting to get the truth of that comment. My therapist talks to me about “good enough”. Can I be the “good enough” employee, coworker, partner, friend, student?