Learning about Happiness

One of the things we learn from the Big Book and our founder’s history is the warning that alcoholics—let’s say addicts of all kinds—are often guilty of “Contempt prior to investigation.” I stumble over this defect all the time.

Most recently it involves happiness. I have seen the book, “The Happiness Project” by Gretchen Rubin on the best-seller list and I saw the book again and again in my favorite bookstore. It was even selected as a “staff pick” by some pretty savvy readers. But, I thought I knew better.

After all, this woman was a blogger. Uh huh. And she was on Oprah. Now there’s a curse. And the book is about happiness of all things. Really.

But one day, not long ago, I picked up the book and started to read and found myself reading and learning and laughing. I got a copy from the library but then realized that I wanted to scribble all over the book—a sure sign for me that I am loving a book. So I bought a copy.

And guess what? It’s really, really good. Almost like a Big Book for people who don’t need AA but who want to change their thinking, attitudes, behaviors and relationships. And it’s fun and insightful and warm.

So much for what I think I know. Now I’m glad that I read “The Happiness Project. Live and learn. And get happy.

Learning and Re-learning

I am reminded that we learn in spiraling circles. We make progress and move forward but we also reach back into territory or lessons we’ve learned before. Maybe these are refresher courses? Or maybe they are new levels of the same lesson.

Today my new-old lesson is this: Tell someone. Tell someone how I feel and what is bothering me.

In early recovery this was a big one and something I had to practice daily. That’s why we learned to call our sponsor or another woman in recovery. To say, “This is what happened today and this is how I feel, or this is how I think I feel”. And sure enough that small step will start the shift of thinking/feeling/healing.

Further into recovery I sometimes forget that and I think that I can figure out my own feelings or that I am supposed to. But no, the sorting and discernment happens when I tell someone.

What does change is who I tell. Today I have many friends in recovery and many friends who are not in recovery but who happen to be more-or-less sane. So I can also talk with them. Or talk to my partner! Now there’s a wild idea: tell my partner what I feel. Which also allows me to be known by him, and me to know him, and it creates-- you guessed it—intimacy.

Ok, relearning underway.

What lesson from early recovery are you relearning this week?