Saturday, March 16, 2013

Surrender, Diane

We never really do it once. Though, when I was younger in recovery I so wanted that to be true, and I hung on every word of the old-timers who said they took the Third Step once and from then on it was all…

Well, it was all what? Many of those old timers were smoking and overeating and grouchy. But not all. There were also those people in AA and in Alanon who did have some kind of continual peace or perspective that left them more or less sane. I still want that.

I raised my hand today in my home group and asked for the topic of “Real Surrender” by which I mean the kind that comes from deep, deep down. Often that’s the kind that comes when I body slam into the wall of my own insistence and control. Over the years it has helped me to remind myself, “Surrender when you see the wall coming.” We do not always have to hit the wall first.

I’m feeling it now cause I’m heading out for a week of writing. Insecure writing. Shaky writing. Writing I care deeply about. Writing that has my heart all tied up in it. And yes, writing for which I have a certain outcome in mind. Ugh. Let go, let go, let go. But still.

So here’s my practice and it comes from Julia Cameron --who is no relation except in the ancient Celtic underground—She says in her wonderful classic, “The Artist’s Way”: “You take care of the quantity and God will take care of the quality.” And then, though she doesn’t actually say it, “That’s that.”

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