A Guest Post-John Kahal--How to Start Your Day

The 10 Healthiest Ways to Start Off Your Day 

By John Kahal, Founder and CEO of Solutions 4 Recovery

At the outset of the recovery journey, feelings of joy and happiness do not come easily. Those emotions were hijacked as a result of a drug or alcohol addiction, and may take a little while to reappear in the daily spectrum of emotions.

Living each day, or hour, without the crutch once depended on to dull emotional pain means opening oneself up to raw, unanesthetized feelings. Early recovery is often marked by a sense of anxiety, trepidation, loss, and uncertainty.

Knowing that this difficult stage will pass is critical to moving through it successfully. In time, brain chemistry will normalize, allowing for a renewal of spirit to replace those initial feelings of uncertainty. As each day passes, sobriety is reinforced and daily life becomes increasingly populated with positivity.

Each small accomplishment builds on the last one, until, over time, a renewed sense of self-worth is established. A positive sense of self-worth leads to increased confidence. Like a snowball gathering momentum and girth, these small victories can grow into authentic happiness.

One of the best strategies for jump-starting this process of renewing the spirit is to create a daily routine that starts off with healthy actions that lead to feelings of accomplishment, gratitude, and self-love. Starting your day doing things to benefit your health and wellbeing will set a positive tone that will resonate throughout the day.

New habits take practice, usually a minimum of 21 consecutive days in a row before they become second nature. But sticking with them will reap amazing rewards across all aspects of one’s life, with improved mood, a more positive outlook, sense of accomplishment, growing confidence, and a healthier body only enhancing your new life in recovery.

10 Healthy Starts to Your Days

1. Wake up refreshed. Nothing can sabotage an entire day like insufficient sleep. To ensure that your mornings will start on the right foot, stick to a regular bedtime that allows for a minimum of 7 hours of sleep. To enhance sleep quality, do not eat after 7pm, avoid caffeine after 2pm, turn off electronics an hour before bed, take a warm bath in Epsom salts, and read before turning off the lights. If noise is an issue, buy a white noise machine to blend away any sleep-disturbing sounds.

2. Stretch. Before you get out of bed, take a minute to stretch like a cat. Really stretch the body, elongating the spine while stretching and reaching one arm at a time as far as possible. Once standing, do a couple of stretches, inhaling deeply as you raise the arms up to the ceiling, and exhaling as you lower them. Stretching helps get blood flowing to the muscles, loosens joints, and increases flexibility.

3. Express gratitude. Sit on the edge of the bed and consider the day ahead. Bring to mind the things you feel grateful for—a safe place to live, food on the table, a job, friends and family, your children, a loving pet. Think of just one way you can give back today, some kind words or one thoughtful act that you can do to express gratitude for the blessings in your life.

4. Make your bed. This may seem like a silly, meaningless new habit, but the simple act of making your bed speaks volume about your desire to rebuild your life. Use the act of making the bed as a metaphor for straightening up and tidying your life in recovery. Smooth the wrinkles, straighten the bedspread, and let the nice, neat bed tell the story of your newly ordered life around sobriety and wellness.

5. Shower mindfully. The morning shower is usually a mindless step each day that you probably daydream through as you go through the motions of cleansing your hair and body. Begin a new, mindful approach to the shower. Really experience the soothing sensation of the water running through your hair and over your skin. Nourish the hair and skin with conditioner or scrubs to enhance the mindful showering experience.

6. Nutritious breakfast. Skipping breakfast is never advisable, as the body will be tricked into thinking that it is being starved and will deplete muscle in an effort to function without calorie input. Even if all you can manage is a protein drink or bar that would be better than nothing. Better yet, fix a bowl of oatmeal topped with berries, scramble a couple of eggs, or just have a serving of Greek yogurt. Your whole day will benefit from a healthy breakfast.

7. Exercise. If time allows, incorporate a short, brisk walk into your morning routine before rushing off to work. Getting outdoors, when weather permits, exposes you to vitamin D, which can help improve mood. Walking at a good clip for 20 minutes is an excellent cardio activity that improves cardiovascular health, builds muscle, and produces endorphins, which also work to improve mood.

8. Make a to-do list. Start the day with a roadmap by jotting down the main tasks you need to accomplish. This habit helps reduce stress, as just writing the items down relieves the anxiety that you might forget to do something important. It also helps you pace your day and prioritize, aiding in time management. Crossing off each item helps cultivate a sense of accomplishment.

9. Relax. If your have a busy, stressful day ahead, take a couple of minutes to do some deep breathing exercises. This calming practice helps provide relaxation to tense muscles, but also slows the heart rate, reduces anxiety, and increases energy to tackle that busy schedule. Breathe in slowly for 4 counts, hold the breath for 4 counts, and release by exhaling through the mouth to 7 counts. Repeat 5 times.

10. Positive self-affirmation. As you drive to your job or begin your day parenting, give yourself a little boost by acknowledging something positive about you. This can be as simple as giving self-kudos for each day of sobriety under your belt. You can tell yourself how strong you are for making it through detox and rehab and into recovery. You can remind yourself of your wonderful qualities or skills. Anything positive that you convey to yourself will help propel each new day in recovery.

About the Author--Many thanks to John Kahal, founder of Solutions 4 Recovery, and a regular reader of Out of the Woods:

John T. Kahal is the founder and C.E.O. of Solutions 4 Recovery, a comprehensive addiction and dual diagnosis treatment program located in South Orange County, California.  After his own successful experience with the recovery process and journey, Kahal decided to create a unique program that was individualized for each client’s specific needs.  Kahal’s passion to share his own positive experience with others, while being a living example of the freedom found in recovery, is what motivates him to guide clients toward their own stable, long-term recovery.

Tara Westover Educates All of Us About Shame

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I'm just over the moon about this book. Yes, you’ve read about it or maybe heard the author, Tara Westover interviewed on TV or NPR, and yes, it’s about that girl who never went to school and then went to Cambridge and Harvard. It’s also about fundamentalism and (sort of) alternative healthcare. But it's so much more.

If you or a friend grew up in a family with addiction, abuse, or mental illness, and struggled to both heal and thrive here is a model and a roadmap of that complexity. 

And here is the best illustration of the power --and origin--of shame that I have ever read.

Tara Westover wrote about growing up in rural Idaho and about a father who was either/both mentally ill and fundamentalist. 

All of that is fascinating and curious and scary. Her story is filled with violence, perseverance, and strategizing for survival. But the big cost emerged so much later in her life.

In showing us how those very early years play out 10 and 20 years after the fact we get a sad but startling depiction of the true cost of growing up in an addicted or abusive home.

The parts of this book that made me pull the car over (I was listening to the book) and cry or take deep breaths occurred long after Tara has left her parent’s home, long after they have any official control over her life, and well into what we expect to be her new “successful” life.

If you ever felt—long into recovery—that you were still stuck in some way, or that old ghosts might be running too much of your head, Tara Westover has perfectly described how that happens and how deep those hooks can be.

If you have ever noticed that sometimes a compliment is more uncomfortable to you than a criticism, you’ll want to see what Tara learns about that.

I am recommending this book to everyone in recovery, everyone making sense of their trauma history, and every parent as well. There is so much help and healing in Westover’s beautiful book.

She might make you cry, but you will also be cheering for her—and for your recovering self.

Black Out Drinking--What it is and What It Isn't

So, there's been a lot of conversation and media discussion about drinking this week: What is youthful drinking versus alcohol abuse versus alcoholism.

A question that comes up over and over is about drinking and memory loss--and from there to black out drinking.

Folks in recovery know what this is--even if our drinking experience never took us there, we know from listening to our comrades in the rooms that people can do all kinds of things in a black out and have some, little or no recall.

Today I read this great article explaining what black out drinking is--and what it isn't. I was surprised
to see that--after I posted Hepola's article on Facebook--how many people thought that a "black out" was the same as passing out or going to sleep. Not at all!

Thanks to The New York Times and to Sarah Hepola author of the powerful memoir, "Black Out".

Here's the link:
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/09/29/opinion/sunday/brett-kavanaugh-drinking-blackouts.html

For more on drinking, alcoholism and recovery check out my book, "Out of the Woods" published by Central Recovery Press:

You Have to Learn Their Language--Nelson Mandela on Robben Island

Last week I was a guest on the island of Nantucket, in Massachusetts. I was participating in a program called The Nantucket Project (TNP) which brings together people of differing backgrounds and points of view and creates a “container” of sorts—physical, emotional and spiritual—in which people can talk about their commonalities rather than differences.

Many of us are trying to attempt this kind of communication now—all of us who are fed up with the anger and blame and harsh judgments that we witness and experience on social media.

The Nantucket Project (TNP) is like a high-end version of Quaker meeting, or maybe, more familiar, it is like what those of us in recovery understand from conversations in our fellowship.

Several times during my four days on Nantucket I sensed that TNP was replicating the deep conversations that people in recovery have the luxury of experiencing regularly, because our traditions and guidelines help us to care about each other through our differences. And it is a gift.

One of the speakers I heard on Nantucket last week was Ndabe Mandela, the grandson of Nelson Mandela. Ndabe was a boy when he came to live with his grandfather and he began to learn the ways—both fierce and compassionate—of being in the world and being a man.

Ndabe Mandela told the audience the story of Nelson Mandela’s time as a prisoner on Robben Island. Mandela was there for 27 years in isolation--cold, hungry, aching and aging. He knew that he would be there a long time—expecting to end his life imprisoned—and had every reason and expectation to be hateful and hated.

But what Nelson Mandela did was to become fluent in the Afrikaans language, the language that his guards and captors spoke. He taught himself to speak and read and write Afrikaans, and it happened that, over time, the guards—many of them less literate than Mandela—would come to him to have him read them their letters from home and have his help in writing back to their families.

As you can imagine, when you are reading another person’s correspondence and helping them sort out their family situations, it is a very intimate experience. You quickly find your shared humanity as you discuss another person’s children or in-laws or marriage or money. Mandela quickly cared for his captors and they in turn, for him.

This was an enormous frustration for the prison managers who wanted Mandela to suffer and to feel isolation. The detail of guards surrounding Mandela had to be changed every three months because they would—each time—begin to care for the old man, and when they cared they would start to bring a little extra food, or extra blanket etc.

And so, his conditions, which were intended to be quite harsh, kept improving much to the consternation of the wardens.

What was so striking to me about this story was that change came about because Nelson Mandela learned the language of his captors.

Relationships were forever changed because he made the effort to change toward them without an expectation of them changing toward him.

The take away is this:

Wherever we have conflict in our lives, wherever we are insisting on our rightness, that is when we have to learn the other person’s language and they (any “they”) do not have to learn ours.

Roots and Wings--Parenting Wisdom in Recovery

As a woman in long recovery I have a “before and after” story of how parenting relates to my recovery. I was a step parent before I found twelve-step programs—thank goodness for Steps 6 to 9--and I was a step-parent again after years of recovery—and therapy. And so, I got to see how working a program of recovery affects everyone in a family.

Parenting is hard--no-matter-what--but the difference was startling. 

In Dan Mager’s new book, “Roots and Wings—Mindful Parenting in Recovery” I see so much that I wish I knew back then. I’m also so moved that we are now including this work to recognize that being a recovering parent is also part of “In all our affairs.”

Dan’s book is a gem. It’s designed for parents in recovery, but it’s applicable to all of us. It’s helpful as we are learning about mindfulness, and it’s helpful to doing the “inner-child” work that comes with Alanon, ACOA or CODA recovery. 

I’ve also found that looking through the lens of Mager’s “Roots and Wings” that it can help us who are looking back to make peace with our past behaviors. And reading this book may be a very useful part of making an amend to parents. 

Mager is a social worker and psychotherapist, and he’s worked in a wide array of behavioral health and addiction treatment settings. He also has a helpful column at Psychology Today magazine—where he provides practical and very accessible ideas and tools for everyone trying to grow and change.

“Roots and Wings” is an excellent combination of theory and practical advice. Mager frames parenting as a form of service and shows us how that is a natural fit as we learn recovery as service as well. For many of us –especially in earlier recovery—we are learning to be parented (or re-parent ourselves) at the same time we are being parents to our children. Not an easy task but Mager’s wisdom and practical steps and stories are a hand’s-on guide to carry that out.

Sobriety on the Rocks

Well, sobriety on “the Rock” to be accurate. 

I’m just back from a wonderful vacation in Bermuda, and there were so many things that made this an especially great vacation and one of them was getting to AA meetings on “the rock”. The island of Bermuda is a great big rock sitting in warm, turquoise water—hence that nickname.

But of course, the folks there in recovery have fun with that. In fact, the annual recovery conference each year is called “Recovery on the Rock.” There are so many things I love about Bermuda that I am determined to go to that conference next year.

One of the many benefits we have in long recovery is our additional travel benefit—we have family and friends everywhere we go in the world. Just find an AA meeting, say, “HI, I’m visiting from XYZ….” and you’ll get travel tips, restaurant recommendations, invites to dinner and rides back to your hotel.

So, that happened in Bermuda too…and because it’s such an international spot –It’s British but visitors come from all over the world—for the beaches but also for the big draw—the re-insurance industry—so you learn a ton in the 59 minutes you are in a meeting.

The other big plus for a trip to Bermuda (No, I am not getting paid—I just love Bermuda) is that it’s so easy to get to. Unlike the Bahamas, Bermuda is only 2 hours from the east coast. That means you get a full beach day on day one and a beach day on your departure day as well.

And, thank you Mother Nature—Bermuda is 85 degrees every day, ten months of the year. So, warm water, big waves, great food…and wonderful, strong recovery—make a great sober vacation. 

Yep, it’s true that the booze flows fast on that island—the Dark & Stormy is a powerful drink. But I think there is a fierce kind of AA in places where drink is part of the culture. Las Vegas is like that too—fiercely powerful recovery and meetings 24/7.

So, our hotel was walking distance from St Paul’s Church in Paget—three meetings a day,

and one at “happy hour” so I got my fill of body surfing, seafood, sticky pudding, and powerful recovery messages every day.