Sobriety on the Rocks

Well, sobriety on “the Rock” to be accurate. 

I’m just back from a wonderful vacation in Bermuda, and there were so many things that made this an especially great vacation and one of them was getting to AA meetings on “the rock”. The island of Bermuda is a great big rock sitting in warm, turquoise water—hence that nickname.

But of course, the folks there in recovery have fun with that. In fact, the annual recovery conference each year is called “Recovery on the Rock.” There are so many things I love about Bermuda that I am determined to go to that conference next year.

One of the many benefits we have in long recovery is our additional travel benefit—we have family and friends everywhere we go in the world. Just find an AA meeting, say, “HI, I’m visiting from XYZ….” and you’ll get travel tips, restaurant recommendations, invites to dinner and rides back to your hotel.

So, that happened in Bermuda too…and because it’s such an international spot –It’s British but visitors come from all over the world—for the beaches but also for the big draw—the re-insurance industry—so you learn a ton in the 59 minutes you are in a meeting.

The other big plus for a trip to Bermuda (No, I am not getting paid—I just love Bermuda) is that it’s so easy to get to. Unlike the Bahamas, Bermuda is only 2 hours from the east coast. That means you get a full beach day on day one and a beach day on your departure day as well.

And, thank you Mother Nature—Bermuda is 85 degrees every day, ten months of the year. So, warm water, big waves, great food…and wonderful, strong recovery—make a great sober vacation. 

Yep, it’s true that the booze flows fast on that island—the Dark & Stormy is a powerful drink. But I think there is a fierce kind of AA in places where drink is part of the culture. Las Vegas is like that too—fiercely powerful recovery and meetings 24/7.

So, our hotel was walking distance from St Paul’s Church in Paget—three meetings a day,

and one at “happy hour” so I got my fill of body surfing, seafood, sticky pudding, and powerful recovery messages every day.

Balancing Work and Play in Recovery

I have to give myself this little reminder every day, ”Don’t miss summer.” That’s written on a sticky note in my calendar and in my very own voice on the micro recorder I use in my

car to track my “to-do” list as I drive.

Yes, perhaps you can see that Work is way ahead of Play in my life. I have an abundance of lists, reminders, recorders. It’s all about productivity. 

I’m looking more closely at that drive this year. I’ve finally come to see what others have seen: I work hard, I do a lot, and yes, I get a lot done. I neither defend or apologize for this part of me. I recognize that my super work ethic is a gift of recovery—and a consequence of the time before recovery. I’ve been making up for lost time for a long time.

I don’t regret the past—exactly. But I do wish I’d started writing earlier, and sending work out sooner, and getting published ages ago. Working hard at my career in nonprofits, and at my writing career brings me so much joy. 

There is a little bit of grief in this too. Back in the days before recovery, I was buried in both substances and in fear, and I couldn’t focus or dare, and couldn’t find what I now know to be my dharma.

But even in my hard-working, ultra-productivity, there is this voice in my ear this year that says: “Don’t miss summer.” 

Winters are long in Upstate New York, and my long recovery is stable. I can trust a day off now and then, or a weekend away, and I can trust that stepping away from my desk doesn’t mean that my writing will go down a ten-year rabbit hole as it did once long ago.

So, one gift of recovery is meeting my hard-working self, and the second gift is meeting that parallel part of me that I think can still learn to relax and play. And I want to do both of those this very summer.

***

Read more on making a life in long-term recovery in "Out of the Woods--A Guide to Long-term Recovery, published by Central Recovery Press.

Vacation in Recovery-The Family Road Trip

Well, of course recovery never really goes on vacation but recovering people do. Going to meetings while traveling is one of the smartest things we can do. It’s not just that we stay sober or abstinent longer and better, but vacations get better the longer we are in recovery.

One advantage of vacation recovery is that we learn to stress less about the “stuff” of travel. One of the best pieces of vacation advice I ever received from a sponsor is that “The trip begins when you are packing.” I used to be so miserable all through the process of getting to the place where I was going to be vacationing that the car ride and the airport and the taxi rides were awful—for me and everyone around me. I wanted to get to the vacation place because I thought my adventure would begin then and there but that’s not true. Listen to the stories people tell about great trips…it includes the taxi and the airport and the jitney and …

But I just got some new inspiration for this year’s vacation from a brand-new book,

 “Don’t Make Me Pull Over! The Informal History of the Family Road Trip”

Richard Ratay has written the most fun and illuminating memoir/history book/trivia game/memory stimulator. 

Ratay tells the story of his family’s many vacation road trips –Wisconsin to Florida-- the days before cell phones, in car screens, and easy access to on-road dining. I’m guessing you will relate to his and his parent’s dilemmas of packing, driving, managing kids in the backseat—all before car seats, seatbelts and movies in the car.

If your summer travels take you on the road to family or friends—here’s your hostess gift. And this might even be—how old-fashioned—a book you read aloud in the car to each other. You’ll either laugh a lot or have to explain a lot to younger folks—or both.

But that is what we want when we vacation in recovery—some laughter, some adventure and some learning.

But be sure to include some twelve-step meetings in your travels—that too, is part of the adventure and the learning.

Over the years I have been to meetings all over the United States and in France, Germany, Poland, Italy, England, The Czech Republic and Bermuda. I've gotten directions, restaurant advice, suggestions on local sites, invites to performances, guidance on public transportation, sometimes rides and always smiles, encouragement and patience with the language barrier.

There is something so fun and smart about asking a new twelve-step group for suggestions about where to eat, what to do, the best way to drive to the next city etc. I’ve been tipped off to bargain shopping, fabulous inexpensive restaurants, great things to see, and the places to avoid. 

As we move “out of the woods” We don’t need a guidebook to tell us where the locals eat or shop—we have our local recovery “family” that we can ask. This is where AA and AAA meet up and it is such a bonus. We also learn that twelve-step principles always prevail regardless of age, location, politics or language.

Recovery Goes on Vacation

Well, of course recovery never really goes on vacation but recovering people do. Going to meetings while vacationing is one of the smartest things we can do. It’s not just that we stay sober longer and better but vacations get better the longer we are sober.

One plus of vacation recovery is that we learn to stress less about the “stuff” of travel. One of the best pieces of vacation advice I ever received from a sponsor is that “The trip begins when you are packed.” I used to be so miserable all through the process of getting to the place where I was going to be vacationing that the car ride and the airport and the taxi rides were awful—for me and everyone around me. I wanted to get to the vacation place cause then the vacation would begin. When I shifted my attitude—and it wasn’t easy at first—to say to myself, “This too is part of the vacation adventure”, then sure enough it was…and then I could look for the good parts of the delayed plane and the weird taxi driver and the odd meal.

But the other reason that vacations get better with longer recovery is that I discovered that those of us in 12 step programs have an amazing resource that other travelers do not: we have contacts in every city and town in the world.

There is something so fun and so smart about asking a 12 step group for suggestions about where to eat, what to do, the best way to drive to the next city etc. I’ve been tipped off to bargain shopping, fabulous inexpensive restaurants, and we don’t need a guidebook to tell us where the locals eat or shop—we have local “family” that we can ask. This is where AA and AAA meet up and it is such a bonus to travelers.

Take Your Recovery on Vacation

Below is the link to a fabulous New York Times article about how not to be crazy on vacation. It wasn't written specifically for recovering people but you'll see yourself in his examples: the over preparation, the worry before and during, the subtle and not-so-subtle compulsive behaviors, the "am I relaxed yet" non-relaxation, and the if I am happy can I get just a tad more thinking.

What I love about this piece is his scientific and psychological back up and excellent tips on how to change behavior and thinking. I'm saving this piece to re-read before my next vacation.

Of course we are never on vacation from recovery so also remember to do what you did years ago when you were much newer: get the meeting list for the city and country you'll visit and find a couple of meetings. We have, perhaps, one of the best bonus benefits as members of 12 step programs...we can easily meet locals in any town and find the best places to eat, and get info on the best non-tourist sights and sounds. I count that as one of my AA blessings.

Here's the article:
http://travel.nytimes.com/2012/07/01/travel/vacation-sabotage-dont-let-it-happen-to-you.html?smid=pl-share