Self-less or Self-more?

Conflicting voices in my head. Conflicting voices from program and from therapy and from Oprah too. Do you have this battle in your head? It’s hitting me hard now with a new job and the holiday season and it goes like this:

@ Be of service

@ Be selfish

@ Think of others before--or instead--of yourself

@ Take care of yourself first

@ Let go of what others think of you

@ First impressions matter

@ Think less of yourself

@ Put your self care first

And on and on…I’m trying to find the middle ground. Some days I sort of have the balance, I think, but other days the pendulum swings too far to self, others days too far to putting other people’s needs or expectations first.

How do you balance this? How do you find the middle?

Selfish People are Happier

I know, we are not supposed to be selfish; we are supposed to be getting better and more caring and we have to give it away to keep it etc. But really. This week I seem to have to learn again: When I take care of myself and take care of my needs instead of expecting someone else to or waiting for someone else to do it then I am happier. The past two days I have been pissed. I have been trying to take care of and be very accommodating to the man in my life who is sick. And today I am mad. I feel unappreciated and I can count—and name for you—all the supposedly selfless things I did for him—and I can tally also all the places where he could have done something for me and did not.

So I think selfish people are happier because at least they get their needs met and they are smarter because it’s way more efficient to say “I want…” and “I need…” than to do for others hoping they will reciprocate.

But here’s the clincher: I think selfish people are nicer because they get their needs met, and so they do not get all pouty and pissy and withdrawn and moody. They are easier to be around.