The Science of Gratitude

In the past few weeks gratitude has been a regular topic in meetings. And when a personal struggle is mentioned the recommendation is often, “Make a gratitude list” as a way to shift one’s perception.

When I was getting sober in Baltimore I used to hear this from the old-timers: “Make a gratitude list and start with, “I am not on fire.” That works. 

But it’s also true—as with much other good newcomer advice, that we get too smart and we demand fancier solutions. So maybe when we hear "gratitude list", we might roll our eyes (even just on the inside) or think, “I know, I know” but not actually make the list.

Now science—neurobiology, in fact-- is our new truth-telling sponsor offering that same advice. The leading trauma clinician and researcher, Bessel Van der Kolk, M.D.

speaks to the neurological role of gratitude in healing trauma and in shifting perception. He calls it, “States and thoughts of appreciation.”

Van der Kolk says this about using gratitude lists: “States and thoughts of appreciation take our system into coherence. Hence gratitude is healing.” By coherence he means the alignment of the Vagus Nerve (running stomach to brain), which we now know, plays the central role in regulating our emotions and aligning perception, feeling and behavior.

An interesting medical side note: all of those ancient beliefs about where the center of knowing existed always said “in the gut”, hence “gut feeling”, were quite accurate as they understood the role of the Vagus Nerve—long before it was named and claimed.

So when your sponsor says “Make a gratitude list” take it as medical advice. You could save a co-pay, and even see some physical complaints resolve by simply, putting pen to paper and starting with:

 1. I am not on fire.
………………………………………………………………...

Read more about Bessel van der Kolk:

http://www.traumacenter.org/about/about_bessel.php

Read more about gratitude, sponsors and recovery in "Out of the Woods--A woman's Guide to Long-term Recovery." http://www.amazon.com/Out-Woods-Womans-Long-Term-Recovery/dp/1937612473

Practicing Gratitude This Week of Thanksgiving

When asked for topics at a meeting this week the odds are good that someone will suggest gratitude as a discussion topic. Just by virtue of being in recovery we have plenty to be grateful for, and now with Thanksgiving so near we have that extra reminder that gratitude makes everything we face so much easier. But how do we get Being grateful to stick?

The advice I have been told and that I tell others is to “practice gratitude.”

Kabul, Afghanistan- Thanksgiving 2013

But did you ever stop to think about what that means. How –exactly—do we practice gratitude?
So,  I have been asking people how they actually practice gratitude, and I learned some great things.

First, and this seemed so obvious but gratitude is a habit. It’s a habit like exercising or smoking or not eating sugar or worrying.  Habits are repeated patterns of behavior or thought and they can be for good or ill. And we can learn or unlearn habits. I never thought of gratitude in quite that way. I just thought that gratitude was something that came over me occasionally, but wasn’t in my control.

Not the case.

So how do you get a gratitude habit? It’s like the man in New York City who asks, “How do you get to Carnegie Hall?” The answer: “Practice. Practice. Practice”.

Psychologists tell us that new habits require 21 days to form or to “take”. So we can do some kind of gratitude practice for 21 days to make the mind learn gratitude. Twenty-one days is a kind of magic number for new habit formation.

When I teach new writers I use this “21 day rule” to help people become regular writers. They do a mini writing practice for 21 days, or write in their journals for 21 days. It’s the same with exercise or walking—commit to 21 days. One of my favorite stories comes from a fitness trainer who asks his clients to simply dress in their sneakers and exercise clothes every morning for 21 days. “Once they are dressed”, he admits, “they mostly will do some kind of exercise; we have created the habit of suiting up to exercise.”  I think that’s brilliant.

So to give yourself a lasting attitude of gratitude you have to create a ritual—a habit and actually do a practice —for at 21 days. Here are some things you could try:

A daily gratitude list—you know this one. But do it in writing so that the hand and eye are involved.  This makes the brain imbed the new habit faster. Decide on a number: Three items each day? Or five? Or 10? And stick to that number—in writing.

Set Set the timer on your watch to the same time each day. An odd number is good like 12:34 pm or 10:10 am. When the alarm rings you stop and quickly name three things you are grateful for.

Exp Expand that idea to your phone. Teach yourself to have one grateful thought on the first ring of your phone, later let that grow to the first ring of any phone you hear.

At home: when you are shaving or removing make-up—begin by naming out loud one specific gratitude from this day.

When you throw something in the trash tie that physical action to saying, “I am grateful for…” quietly to yourself.

What other simple habitual gestures can you link to naming a grateful thought? Taking out your keys? Starting the car? Taking your coffee mug from the cabinet?  The more simple, repetitive actions you can attach to specific things you are grateful for the stronger your habit of grateful thinking will become.

We Practice Humility Just Like Yoga

You know how sometimes you read The Big Book or other recovery literature that you've read before and you have one of those moments when you think, "How long has this been in here?" I'm having one now.

We learn about gratitude and about humility in our very earliest days. I remember the old tough-guy speakers in my early recovery in Baltimore, Maryland who would say to anyone who whined about life being hard, "You need to make a gratitude list and start with, 'I am not on fire." Yeah. Every now and then I had to do that. But we got it: be grateful.

And humility, we kind of understand that we are supposed to be humble and speak about ourselves in a humble way, and yes, we had all that confusion about humility and humiliation--very tough if you came from an abusive family, but we learned the difference.

But now I'm re-thinking how we "do" gratitude and humility. They are attitudes and habits ad they become that because--here's the new part: they are disciplines and practices. In the same way that yoga or meditation are a practice; we do them no matter what and no mater how we feel. We can practice gratitude and humility the same way.

In the way that Jack Kornfield teaches the practice of meditation using the analogy of training a puppy: we say to our mind--very gently--"Come back, sit, stay" and when it drifts again we pick t up, put it back on the paper, "Sit, stay." And again, gently, "Sit, stay." And again.... always gently...

Humility is a practice and a discipline. That's how the belief and attitude get inside us, grow in us and become us. Ahhhhh.