Why Take Our Recovery to Work

I’ve been writing about “taking recovery to work” for several months now. This morning in my quiet time I found myself—again—praying about a situation in my workplace, and I thought, “Hmmm, I don’t hear a lot of people talking about this.”

We do hear recovering people talk about resentments that kick up at work, or jobs they got or jobs they lost. Sponsees call me when they want a new job or maybe about money worries connected to their ability to earn. And we also hear a lot of joking about work, “Boy, I would love to say XYZ to my boss.” Etc.

But why is it we don’t –often enough—bring our recovery to work?

Early in recovery we focus recovery on our physical health—“help me to stop using/bingeing/drinking/smoking. And then, soon after we start to apply recovery principles to our relationships—the most urgent ones first: our partner, our kids, our ex-partners, and then maybe to other relatives and then to friendships too.

We, if we are lucky and diligent, see the patterns in our own behavior. And we know, when we face our role in those relationships, that we cannot do it alone. We need to have the help of a loving sponsor and maybe a small group of dedicated recovering friends. Folks who will not enable us.

But, it seems, bringing this same focus on ourselves and with recovery principles, to who we are at work comes very late if at all. You may have thought, as I have at times, listening to an old-timer in recovery—speaking truth, humility, love and gratitude—“I could never be that person’s coworker”, as they reveal how opposite all of that they are in the workplace. 

So what’s going on? Maybe it is Maslow’s hierarchy of needs: we take care of ourselves, then partners, then kids, then social life first. Or maybe we imagine that work falls into some other category, or that people at work are outside recovery? But can that really be?

I think bringing a focus to recovery at work is crucial if only for the simple, self-serving reason that work is where we spend most of our time, and where so much of our stress comes from.

Now, to be clear, I don’t write about recovery at work because I have it figured out. Nope. I don’t have answers as much as I have questions. And because even with 32 years in Twelve-step programs I am still baffled on many days and genuinely tortured on some.

I try to sort out what recovery suggests to me as an employee, as a boss and supervisor, as a colleague, and as a team member, and what does recovery mean when I am successful and also when I am unsuccessful, and when things at work are fair or unfair? And would I know the truth of that with out deep recovery work?

So please join me in this. Ask questions, make suggestions and please share ways that you bring your recovery principles and practices to your workplace.

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Read more about long-term recovery in "Out of the Woods--A Woman's Guide to Long-term Recovery". Published by Central Recovery Press.

Restraint of Tongue and Pen

The best advice at work and at home is to practice restraint of tongue and pen. And today we might add:    “…and restraint of keyboard, email and Facebook.” In most cases what is not said is safer and kinder than what is said.

One of my early sponsors used to say to me, “Don’t worry about doing any new stuff, just don’t do anything that you are going to have to make amends for.” In most cases that meant: Don’t say it. Don’t write it. And this, which I also love:

“I don’t have to go to every argument that I am invited to.”

By now you have learned your own body’s signals, the things that tell you that you need to be in the restraint mode: accelerated breathing, talking fast, eye rolling and and the clear sign: you are talking to people who are not in the room (or in the car) with you. When you are alone but “rehearsing” your arguments, like, “I’m gonna tell her this and this and this..” And then you do it again adding emphasis, or nastier words, that is your cue to toss the cell into the back seat or pull over and call your sponsor. 

Most of the time when I am in that state I am willing to text my sponsor but really—it is much better to make a phone call—even if you get voicemail—because just hearing yourself say out loud what you want to say to that Bad Person, or Awful Coworker or Selfish Family Member will get the attention of your own wiser, recovered self and you’ll be laughing by the end of the call.

And thank God! Because, really: Do you want to be making more amends? You did that at year 3 and five and ten and you don’t want more. And you don’t want to be the one at work who has “issues” or that everyone has to tiptoe around. So use my old sponsor’s wisdom: Do not say or write (or text, or reply) anything you will have to make amends for later.

 When times are tough put this note on your laptop screen or add a screensaver that says: Restraint of Tongue and Pen!

Take Your Soul to Work

“We had a new employer….” That passage from the big book turns out to be quite literal for people in long-term recovery. We do have to practice the principles of recovery in all of our affairs and our workplaces are full of practice material.

So the good question is “How?” What does rigorous honest translate into business politics? How do we integrate kindness and good boundaries? How do we lead with out a big ego? And how do we lead with humility but also strength and courage?

I know that I crave advice from great leaders and I like to have some reminders right on my desk that I can use as daily touchstones.

So I was thrilled to get an early copy of “Take Your Soul to Work-- 365 Meditations on Every Day Leadership”—by Dr. Erica Brown.

While intended for all leaders—business, nonprofit and community leaders as well—Browns examples of leadership wisdom—translate beautifully into recovery terms. Brown is an educator and author of five other books all related to spirituality and leadership. 

In “Take Your Soul to Work” she divides the year into themes: Detachment, Courage, Busy-Ness, Action, Goals, Trust, Discipline etc. and each days meditation can be read in less time than it takes your computer to boot or your coffee to brew. 

And, of course, at this time of year, what a perfect holiday gift for the leaders in your company or the staff who aspire, one day at a time, to become leaders. 

In All of My Affairs at Work

It is suggested that we “practice these principles in all of our affairs”, and these principles are the twelve steps and they are the concepts of honesty, open-mindedness, willingness and service.

I like to think that, especially after all these years, that I do that. I like to imagine myself someone who is a good partner and a good friend and a good neighbor—and I can point to specific ways in which I am those things.

But there’s another “affair” in which we must keep practicing and this one is one of the hardest. (The actual hardest is in our intimate affairs—with spouses and romantic partners—because we want sooo much and we are so afraid of not having that relationship go our way.) But up there at the top is who we are and how we are in the workplace.

Can I stay honest there? Not just not taking the pens and the Post-its but emotionally honest while maintaining appropriate work boundaries and a professional demeanor.

Can I remain open-minded? Whew!—that means I consider the possibility that I --and my way-- is not right? Can I be a beginner even while positioning myself as expert and competent enough to be respected?

Can I be willing? Willing to pitch in. Willing to help out. Willing to do someone else’s work sometimes. Willing to receive feedback graciously. And willing to really want that feedback and willing to ponder it, examine myself and make deep change?

And can I be of service? Can I help not just the people on my team but someone else as well—and not finagle to get credit. Can I go the extra mile, the extra hours, or the extra project without a grand show of either heroics or false humility? (You know this one right: “Oh no, happy to help, anything for the team?” while secretly hoping everyone who matters has taken note).

Yeah. I know. This “In all our affairs” is a hard one. At work I am at my most “progress not perfection” self. And I have to add humor and gentleness to the tools of this practice.