I have been reading from the same meditation book for more
than 20 years. It is Melody Beatty’s “The Language of Letting Go” and it is one
of many “non-conference-approved” books that I rank high in my lifesaving library.
Beatty’s daily meditation book has a page a day with a brief
essay on a recovery topic and some quotes or affirmations. I am so aware of the gift of seeing the same messages over and over, year after year—thru at
least 20 years of my recovery. And today I am especially glad for the habit of
writing in my books.
When I open this well-worn, broke-back, coffee (and tear)
stained paperback—I can see the notes I scribbled in 1990, 1993, 2001, and 2003
and on and on. What makes me laugh now is to see the names of people (often
coworkers or neighbors or boyfriends) that I was praying about. (Those
anguished “help me” prayers) When I read them now I can’t quite remember what
the big offenses or fears were about or I can see (humility) exactly why I was
having an issue with that person—or kind of person.
I have this daily, written record of what has changed thru the
course of my recovery—and most compelling what has not changed. When I come to
my meditation altar and open this book today and see that ten and five and two
years ago I had a similar issue with a different person I get a clear lesson in
who (yes, me) has the issue. And it’s fresher than a journal because I am guaranteed
to come to each of these pages at least once every 365 days.
Beatty’s lessons are all about denial, acceptance, detachment
and letting go. But I am so glad that I never let go of this book so I have
pure evidence—in my own handwriting—of how far I have come and what still lies
ahead in my journey of recovery.
