Today I pulled “Women Who Love Too Much”, by Robin Norwood from my shelf of recovery books. This is the book that was there at the start of my recovery. She linked food and drugs and men and family dysfunction in a compelling 240 pages of stories, insight and direction.
Today I opened the book to a page that I had underlined and starred in the margins many times. It says:
“True this generates from lifelong patterns reaching back into childhood, but she must first of all deal with her patterns in the present in order for her recovery to begin. No matter how sick, or cruel or helpless her partner is she must understand that her every attempt to change him, help him, control him or blame him is a manifestation of her disease, and that she must stop these behaviors before other areas of her life can improve. Her only legitimate work is with herself.”
Oh baby, this is so much more of a gut kick than Al-Anon’s “Keep the focus on yourself.”
Her only legitimate work is with herself.