I’m at day 14 of practicing no “Her”—my new behavior to help me to let go of the “fatal flaw”. (See the post here on February 4th). It hasn’t been easy. I have been able to change what I say but not always what I think, ah, but still. Progress not perfection?
I’m learning some things and here’s my surprise. While I knew all of this intellectually I would not been able to really get it in a visceral way without this experiment –changing MY behavior.
What I’m learning is this: When I focus on “her” or “him” or “them” it distracts me from me. It’s actually destructive—to me! When my attention is over there—“she should” “he shouldn’t” and “he should tell her”—I abandon myself. This is not new—I have been to AlAnon—I read all the self help books—but by keeping my mouth shut I had the chance to experience this.
The temptation of course is that by analyzing “her” and announcing what “he” and “they” should think or do—gives me the heady illusion that I am having some kind of control, but the truth is I am nowhere near myself—I leave me in the dust—when I do that. It’s distracting and destructive. To me. And oh yeah, I’m getting this too: The most selfish and loving thing I can do for me—is to take my attention away from “her”.