I had a powerful experience yesterday. I was—as I so often do—mentally rehearsing a situation in which I believed that I was going to have a big conflict with John. I was imagining a scene in which I would be left out, disrespected and not important. Given that I was gathering emotional ammunition and preparing both my attack and my defense”: “He should…” “It’s clear that…” “If you loved me…” etc. And in my mind I was going over this again and again working myself into a state of fear and frenzy.
And then—seemingly out of nowhere—I pictured the very scene happening as I thought he wanted and I saw that it was perfect; not only was he right but that if he did it the way he wanted it would meet my needs more clearly. It would make loving each other easier.
The contrast was so sharp and so startling that it really stopped me cold. There I was, ready to make a scene and let him have it-- and being the nice guy that he is he’d probably do it my way just to please me. And if I had my way I would be the loser.
The realization was so stunning and my error so dramatically off that I began to think: What if I have it backwards? What if other things that I object to or fear are like this too? What if the exact opposite is true?