I come back to a favorite book by David Richo. It’s called;
“Daring to Trust” and it was published in 2010. Whenever I dip
into it I get a gem or a jolt --and always what I need.
Today I read this:
“Parents are expected
to fulfill 100 percent of our needs in our early life, including safety and
security. As adults, we learn to find need fulfillment in ourselves, in our
friends, in our family, in our career, in our spiritual program, in nature and
in other resources that we discover. We then do not rely on a partner, or on
any person, for more than 25 percent of our need fulfillment. This includes our need for safety and
security.”
Holy Cow! “ No more than 25%”. I definitely did not get the instruction
book. But it is “progress not perfection.” Years ago I could not have read that
sentence without fear. Today, reading it feels like a mid-course correction.
It’s also a powerful reminder that I have to have friends, family, time in nature, work that I love, and a
spiritual program so that I do not suffocate my relationship or paralyze
myself.
It may be that the hardest time to grasp this 25% concept
and to implement this is when a loved one is ill or disabled…but it’s still
true then. Gail Sheehy writes about the need for spouses who are caregivers. At
the VERY time is feels impossible it’s crucial to go toward the self.
Yes, I know. Easier said than done. But that is why I love
Richo’s book. I can dip in, read a bit and self-correct. Or I can call a friend
and say, “Really?”
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