One of the best things I brought home from the conference on addiction this week was the absolute conviction that I do not want to relapse to any past addictions. And I do not want any new addictions. I was humbled and awed, and slightly terrified, hearing story after story about addictions I had not met --yet: gambling, sex, Internet etc.
As moved as I was by the compassion and creativity of the professionals I heard presenting I was also moved by the collective pain represented by the addiction stories that the treatment folks described. And I heard too many stories of folks who had been long in recovery and long sober who were undone by some other thing that either took them back to their original drug or destroyed their sober life in a shockingly new way.
So maybe it was a wake up call to my complacency, or it was the realization that an addict is an addict and we can change up the form of our destruction any time, or maybe it was a blessing and emotional recommitment to full sized recovery-or what I used to call my "all encompassing recovery". I don't want to separate my past drinking and past disordered eating from the sleeping meds and prescribed medications and the money issues or the shopping or the--mother and root of them all: relationship issues.
That was there in story after story the past four days. Whether the drug was gambling or sex or booze or food or illicit drugs or perfectly responsible drugs used irresponsibly-in every story there was a co-combatent of relationship struggles.
For me that means that the biggest work I have to do is inside of me and on my relationship with my higher power. This weekend I really understood what it means to say, "But for the grace of God"