Tenth Step Axiom

The tenth step axiom, from the “Twelve and Twelve” book goes like this:

“It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us.”

This has caused much wordy debate in 12 step rooms. “What me?” “Did I cause my childhood abuse?” “Is it my fault that my husband cheats?” and on and on.

Of course that’s not what the “axiom” is about.
And of course it’s not a unique idea to AA or Bill Wilson.

Here is the same idea from the ancient writer and philosopher Marcus Aurelius:

“If you are distressed by anything external, it is not the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”

There is nothing new under the sun.

Now, studying Cognitive Therapy, I see the same idea. When I am hurt, distressed, slighted, unworthy I am able to ask myself, what schema or old belief IN ME am I replaying or clinging to—even unknowingly. I am –Thank you to the annoying Carl Rogers, as well—distressing myself. And I can change my mind. Not easy but I can. And I can change my beliefs—also not easy at all. But it can be done.

When I am disturbed there is something in me contributing to that. At worst I am causing it, at best I am collaborating. And the power to change that is in me.