Addiction and Relationships

A couple of weeks ago I went to Wisdom House in Connecticut for a retreat with Don Bisson, a Marist Brother who is also a Jungian analyst. That’s a combination, huh? Don gives many retreats each year for spiritual directors and they attract people in recovery who like this combination of psychology and spirituality.

I learned so much, and I’m still digesting a lot, but here are a couple of thought provoking gems from my notes:

“At the core of an addiction is an energy that wants to take your life. An addiction wants nothing less than your entire life.”—Marion Woodman

“The purpose of marriage is to find the right person to force you to individuate.  Most people’s expectations of life are too low: The goal of life is not happiness, but individuation.

Your unconsciousness will choose the person who will push your individuation.” –Don Bisson

“So always be asking yourself: What is this person calling on in me? What am I projecting onto him? Can I pull back this projection—pull it back into myself? What part of me am I seeing out there on this other person? How can I integrate that part of me?”—Don Bisson

Now, that gives me something to chew on today!

Projection

I found an old notebook this week in which I had been taking notes when reading Ken Wilbur who wrote a lot about Jung and the concept of our shadow side. What Wilbur said about projection is this:

If another person’s behavior informs us it is information.
But if another person’s behavior affects us it is a projection.

Not always easy to sort the two—but then again-- if we are honest with ourselves we do kinda know whether we are being informed or affected. I mean, if I’m mad, sad, jealous, gloating, there’s a good chance I’m being affected.

It makes me think that this is another way to keep an eye on my side of the street—my reactions, my feelings and yes, ugh—my projections.