Practicing Discernment

One friend asks, “Should she change jobs?” Another thinks about changing her whole career. A coworker debates, “Should she buy a house or continue to rent?” Someone else talks about graduate school versus yoga teacher training. 

“A choice between goods” is one definition of discernment. Not right or wrong, good or bad, but a choice between goods.

But how do you “do” discernment? 

Years ago my spiritual director gave me this list of tools for discernment:

Prayer

Quiet

Sitting still

Asking God

Listening

Get quiet and listen for the subtle

Think and feel

Wait

Then use your gut, your courage and your integrity.

Another good discernment practice, if you have time, is this:

Fully describe option A to yourself: the graduate program, the classes, location, books, homework, money, and benefits, people. Declare (to yourself) that this is the choice you have made. Live as if that is the final choice—that and only that for two weeks. Pretend to yourself it’s a done deal and go about your life as if that is true. Pay attention to your body, energy, heart and head.

After two weeks again fully commit yourself, but now to option B. Again, make full mental commitment—two whole weeks. Now what do you notice or sense in your body, mind, heart, energy? Write about what you notice and sense. What messages do you get?

Talk to people who have chosen either options –or similar ones—and then pray for a sign.

As Kingfishers Catch Fire....God in Us....We are God's Will

Here is a sonnet by Gerard Manley Hopkins, cartainly a Christian poet, whose work is all about the inwardness of our lives. When I read this poem in class the other night I was reminded of our familiar question, "What is God's will for me?" And how so many of us in recovery--even in later recovery --struggle to know what to be when we grow up. And too, I and maybe you, seem to always feel the need to be  better than I am today. This sonnet quiets those questions, and I feel peace each time I read it. Hopkins tells us--in such sensuous language--that how we glorify God is by being exactly who we are. If I could just hold this---such sweet relief.

Sonnet 34--As Kingfishers catch fire:

As kingfishers catch fire, dragonflies dráw fláme; 
As tumbled over rim in roundy wells 
Stones ring; like each tucked string tells, each hung bell’s 
Bow swung finds tongue to fling out broad its name; 
Each mortal thing does one thing and the same: 
Deals out that being indoors each one dwells; 
Selves—goes itself; myself it speaks and spells, 
Crying Whát I do is me: for that I came. 
Í say móre: the just man justices; 
Kéeps gráce: thát keeps all his goings graces; 
Acts in God’s eye what in God’s eye he is—
Chríst—for Christ plays in ten thousand places, 
Lovely in limbs, and lovely in eyes not his
To the Father through the features of men’s faces. 

Yearning and the Will of God

Often when we talk about the will of God there is a kind of sigh, a letting out of air, a letting go. Maybe that surrender is in the right place. But sometimes we speak of God’s Will with a resignation and a sense that “Well, I better obey if I know what’s good for me”. Like we’re all going to  the principal’s office for trying to have fun at school.

But what if God does want us to have fun? What if He/She really means for us to be happy—not in some sanctimonious way—but in a real world belly laugh, giggle and stand in awe way.

I can start to allow myself to believe that when I read Thomas Merton. Here is a bit on what he has to say about God’s will and yearning:

Some people view the will of God as an elephant hanging overhead, ready to fall on them. Actually the word which we translate into English as “will” comes from both a Hebrew and a Greek word which means yearning. It is that yearning which lovers have for one another. Not a yearning of the mind alone or of the heart alone but of the whole being. Any yearning which we feel is only a glimmering of the depth of the yearning of God for us.

God yearns for us? Could we really be happy, joyous and free? If that were true how would it change your life?

What Other People Think...

What other people think of me is none of my business. I learned that in Alanon. I have to keep re-learning that over and over. But it makes sense. If I really practice the Third Step and if I have turned my will and my life over to God, and if I am endeavoring to do God’s will, then I will be used in ways that I don’t necessarily understand --and that others don’t either. So what they think can’t be my business.

Your Heart's Desire

The book I mentioned earlier this week, “Sleeping with Bread” introduces a spiritual practice called The Examen. This practice comes from The Spiritual Exercises of Saint Ignatius. Ignatius taught that God speaks to us through our deepest feelings and yearnings.

Ignatius believed that we should pay attention to our “consolations” and our “desolations”. Consolations are whatever helps us to connect with ourselves, others, God and the universe. Desolation is whatever disconnects us.

The Examen is simple—and we love simple.

Each evening you take a few minutes to sit in quiet and then ask these two questions:

For what moment today am I most grateful?
For what moment today am I least grateful?

You can also ask it like this:

What gave me energy today?
What drained my energy today?

The idea of the Examen is that, over time, a pattern will emerge to show us our true heart’s desire, the purpose of our life, or God’s will, if you use that language. This can be a very simple way to incorporate ongoing inventory and listening to God or one’s own inner voice.

Self Will Run Riot

We talk a lot about God’s will, our will and self-will. We talk about ourselves and others and shake our heads at “self-will run riot.”

But we forget that our fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous exists today because of self will run riot in our dear founder, Bill Wilson.

We recall the history of AA. Our beginning was in The Oxford Group. Rowland Hazzard who was treated by Carl Jung brought the practices of the Oxford Group to Ebby Thacher who—as described in the Big Book—brought the Oxford Group message to Bill Wilson at his kitchen table in Brooklyn. With Ebby’s help Bill stopped drinking and later—as we know—Bill—an Oxford Group member went to Akron where he met and helped Dr. Bob Smith. It was all Oxford Group theory, belief, practice and fellowship.

But Bill is a sales guy and a dreamer. He is offered a job helping alcoholics at Towns Hospital. Bill says yes. But the Oxford Group says no. The Oxford Group believed there should be no fees and no professional positions regarding providing help to alcoholics. The Oxford Group believed in making decisions by group conscience, and that members must “give it away”. (Sound familiar?) Bill’s Oxford Group in New York told Bill he could not take the job at Towns Hospital. So Bill quits the Oxford Group and starts his own meetings. Alcoholics Anonymous comes into existence because of self- will run riot.

You just have to laugh at this paradox and maybe you also have to be around a while to not let Bill Wilson shake your belief in AA.

God's Will

Again and again, this question comes around:

How do I know God’s will?

Here’s an answer I like and that I can use to decide if something is God’s will or I’m trying to make it mine:

Grace is the quality of God’s will.

That means there is no sense of force, no fight, no insistence, only grace and ease.

Thomas Merton Prayer

Thomas Merton wrote this prayer:

My Lord God,
I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that, if I do this, you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadows of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.


What I love about this prayer and perhaps what I cling to is the line: “Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.” It reminds me that we sometimes hear in meetings, “What other people think of me is none of my business.” And maybe it’s also true that God’s will for me is none of my business. Maybe in the greater scheme of things (God’s will) I’m one of the “Don’t” examples. Kind of like in the back of Glamour Magazine where they show the “DO” and “Don’t” examples of what to wear. The “Don’t” examples also help us. Maybe God needs a certain number of “Don’t” people and I’m one of them? But like Merton I’ll keep trying to get it right, but others may be thinking, “What the F….?”

The Will of God

Some people view the will of God as an elephant hanging overhead, ready to fall on them. Actually the word which we translate into English as “will” comes from both a Hebrew and a Greek word which means yearning. It is that yearning which lovers have for one another. Not a yearning of the mind alone or of the heart alone but of the whole being. Any yearning which we feel is only a glimmering of the depth of the yearning of God for us.


From: “Reading Thomas Merton” by Wilkie Au.

How Do We Know if it's God's Will?

The two best ansers I have heard to the question of how will we know if somehting is God's will:

1. God's will is what is.

2. Grace is the quality of God's will. No force, no fight, no insistence just grace and gracefullness.