Saturday, September 20, 2014

Shepherd Me Beyond My Fears

By now you know how much of addiction is about fear, and how much of recovery is also about fear.

In early recovery I--and maybe you--wanted fear to just go away. Then we began to tolerate just enough to try to examine it, ("What is this shit?"). Then we tried to befriend our fear, then maybe, like me, you began to try all kinds of things: therapy, acupuncture, Reiki, prayer--lots and lots of prayer. But still, under all that faux befriending, was the secret hope that fear would Go Away!

Now sometimes, when I can, I try to let the fear be there. I know it won't last forever. A gift of a long recovery is knowing that it will shift. Uh huh, it might get worse, but shift it will.

And still I pray.

Now too I chant and even sing. There is a refrain I hear at church sometimes that always seems written for recovery. It is this song written by Marty Haugen called "Shepherd Me, O God." It is from Psalm 23. When I hear it at church I always get teary because God and recovery and faith converge in these words:

"Shepherd me O God, beyond my wants, beyond my fears, from death into life."

If you'd like to hear it, hear the melody, and maybe include this in your meditation time I am putting the link to Youtube here. It's brief and peaceful. Take a listen:

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