I found this wonderful and provocative idea in David Richo’s book, “How to be an Adult.”
In writing about grief and responding to losses of all kinds he says: “Betrayal, abandonment, rejection, disappointment and humiliation are not feelings but beliefs. Each of these judgments keeps us caught in our story. Each is a subtle form of blame. Each coddles and justifies our bruised ego. Each distracts us from the true feelings of grief. Grievances dislocate grief work. Anger without blame completes it.”
Here is the cognitive approach again. Beliefs not feelings. We have a choice. Yeah, simple not easy.