Prayer of St. Francis

A couple of weeks ago I was telling a woman I know from program about some of my worries and she said, “Do you read the Prayer of St. Francis?” I made a face and she laughed and said, “Read it, read it.”

I have always balked at that prayer. I have resisted the way it puts others first and offers up humility and generosity. I have felt way too selfish for that prayer. The third step prayer and the seventh step prayer are asking for god’s help...but it’s God’s help to fix me. It’s about me having peace and me being sane. The St. Francis prayer is about serving others and giving peace and good to others.

But I felt that balk in me and I knew that was a sign. So I have been reading the Prayer of St. Francis. I’m giving myself three weeks. I do balk still. Am I really supposed to comfort others more than I seek comfort for myself? And to “understand than to be understood”? This is hard. Hard to say it and hard to mean it.

But like many other things in recovery I am doing this without believing it. I am on my knees and reading the prayer and trying not to choke on the words.

I’m giving it 21 days. God help me.