Happiness -There is a Recipe

In twelve-step recovery we talk about being Happy Joyous and Free. But maybe sometimes we ask , "But how...?" (includes whining voice).

Well, here is a set of instructions--a recipe perhaps--from the Father of Positive Psychology, Martim Seligman at The University of Pennsylvania. It's important to note that Seligman is not just some happy-talking guy. He is a scientist who studied depression and anxiety for years ...what he says here is not just his opinion or a couple of good ideas. This  prescription is founded on his research and longitudinal study.

Here is what happy people do and what they attend to:


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/16/happiness-habits-of-exuberant-human-beings_n_3909772.html

More Happiness

I’ve had wonderful things happening in my life recently. A wedding. A trip to Paris. But even with that I’m confronted with myself and the sure knowledge that recovery is “progress not perfection.”

I found myself –in the midst of these good things--stoking an old resentment and contemplating schemes to make another person miserable. “Just a tiny tweak”, I told myself. “Just a teensy jab in her direction?”

And then it hit me. Good stuff was happening in my life: Love. Happiness. Sobriety. And then this thought:

“My happiness is not contingent on other people’s unhappiness.”

And even then I had to pray to be better than my own thoughts, to be bigger and better than I may really be.

Learning about Happiness

One of the things we learn from the Big Book and our founder’s history is the warning that alcoholics—let’s say addicts of all kinds—are often guilty of “Contempt prior to investigation.” I stumble over this defect all the time.

Most recently it involves happiness. I have seen the book, “The Happiness Project” by Gretchen Rubin on the best-seller list and I saw the book again and again in my favorite bookstore. It was even selected as a “staff pick” by some pretty savvy readers. But, I thought I knew better.

After all, this woman was a blogger. Uh huh. And she was on Oprah. Now there’s a curse. And the book is about happiness of all things. Really.

But one day, not long ago, I picked up the book and started to read and found myself reading and learning and laughing. I got a copy from the library but then realized that I wanted to scribble all over the book—a sure sign for me that I am loving a book. So I bought a copy.

And guess what? It’s really, really good. Almost like a Big Book for people who don’t need AA but who want to change their thinking, attitudes, behaviors and relationships. And it’s fun and insightful and warm.

So much for what I think I know. Now I’m glad that I read “The Happiness Project. Live and learn. And get happy.

Happy, Joyous and Free

We are told that the gift of recovery is that we will become happy, joyous and free. Freedom we know: freedom from hangovers and sickness and obsession and shame. Freedom from fear. And happiness yes. Not all the time. We do not stop being human; and life happens to us as it does to everyone else. So happiness is not a constant even though periods of happiness will increase the longer we are active in recovery.

But Joy is something else. One of the best things I learned about Joy is this:

“Joy comes from my relationship with God.  So I can be Joyous even when I am not happy.”

As we daily pursue a connection with our Higher Power we can be happy, joyous and free. This is why recovery continues even after our last drink was many years ago.

Happiness and Joy

Certain books come into our lives when we need them. Last week a work friend who knows little of my recovery life gave me a copy of Sarah Ban Breathnach’s book, “Something More.” I put the book on my home altar/ reading area where I do my morning meditations. A few days later on a whim (God’s whisper?) I read the first few pages.

It was like reading a message from a spirit guide. The exact words at the exactly right time. Yeah, something about “when the student is ready…”. Yep I was.

Here’s a sample:

“Many of us confuse happiness and joy. Happiness is often triggered by external events: the promotion, he loves you back, they approve your mortgage application. Happiness camouflages a lot of fears. But joy is the absence of fear. Joy is your soul’s knowledge that if you don’t get the promotion, keep the relationship or buy the house, it’s because you weren’t meant to and you’re meant to have something better, deeper, richer, more.”

“Joy is the absence of fear”. That’s a phrase worth holding onto. “Happiness camouflages a lot of fears but joy is the absence of fear.”That’s probably my number one prayer: remove my fear. In recovery: remove my self-centered fear.

Happiness

I have been looking at a poster in the Ballard Designs catalog. A poster by Rodney White—his painting of two plump red cherries and these –also his-words:

“We tend to see happiness, when happiness is actually a Choice.”

I want to buy that poster and hang it over my bed.