Here is a very provocative idea that I heard in a meeting
recently. It shocked me but I thought, “I totally get that.”
A woman was saying that we so often, in cases of domestic
violence, hear the question, “But why didn’t she leave?” Why do women stay with
someone who is abusive? It can seem contradictory or crazy or just make no
sense…I mean, who would stay in a relationship that was hurtful, dangerous,
life threatening?
Well all of us who have used drugs or alcohol or food
addictively know how this works. For years we were in a terrible relationship
with booze or drugs. It was a relationship that was progressively worse, but we
kept hoping, kept rationalizing. “I can mange this” and “I can control this”,
and “If I just change this or that…
Alcohol lied to us, beat us up, stole from us, humiliated us
and then made promises, “Next time will
be different.” And we stayed and stayed. We lied to cover up, and we tried to
be “better” addicts each time. Finally, when we were bloodied or when someone
else saw what was really happening, we surrendered and then we left.
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