Courage

Have you had that experience of suddenly realizing that you now understand a program saying or slogan—even after many years of hearing it --or even saying it? I had one of those today.

I’d begun to see—yes, working the steps again—that I struggled to take care of myself in fundamental ways. I knew the jargon, I used that platitude about putting on your own oxygen mask first and I never hesitated to buy myself massages or manicures or pretty things. But there was another layer.

Driving to work it hit me—I needed courage. I had to pray for the courage to take care of myself. It was about courage. Then at work—the old “What do other people think of me?” was aroused. Again, I knew what I was supposed to think and feel about that. But the realization: It would take courage to not care what other people think. I reached for my journal and began to write: “I need to pray for courage to take care of myself and for courage to not care what other people think and I need to pray for courage to change.”

Courage to change.

Now I get it.