Today I am in that painful place of having insight and understanding but not change. I’ve been working through some things and had great moments of “Aha, now I’ve got it.” I see why I do it; I know where it comes from; I know what change would look like, but grrrr…I’m not doing the new behavior. Frustrating.
It’s not integrated. It feels like I have the understanding in my head but it has not “dropped down” into my heart or body.
My prayer is to get what is in my mind to integrate with my body and behavior.
I think this is also the “X” factor in Steps 6 and 7.
In this equation “X” equals God.
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we don't know about the "x" factor, but integration is more involved than you suggest. Have you listened to your unconcious? Have you worked with your dreams? Do you dream?
You seem to have long-standing, repetitive issues. These issues will not be resolved by "thinking" through them. You have to work with your shadow side; that part which is obscure at the conscious level, but exerts control over your daily life.
You are too old to be wrestling with issues that are fundamental to coming to terms with life, relationships, and accepting the ups and downs in a mature way.
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