Sunday, April 20, 2014

A Poem for People in Long-term Recovery


Failing and Flying

Everyone forgets that Icarus also flew.
It's the same when love comes to an end, or the marriage fails and people say they knew it was a mistake, that everybody said it would never work.
That she was old enough to know better.
But anything worth doing is worth doing badly.
Like being there by that summer ocean
on the other side of the island while
love was fading out of her, the stars
burning so extravagantly those nights that anyone could tell you they would never last.
Every morning she was asleep in my bed
like a visitation, the gentleness in her like antelope standing in the dawn mist.
Each afternoon I watched her coming back through the hot stony field after swimming, the sea light behind her and the huge sky on the other side of that.
Listened to her while we ate lunch.
How can they say the marriage failed?
Like the people who came back from Provence (when it was Provence) and said it was pretty but the food was greasy.
I believe Icarus was not failing as he fell,
but just coming to the end of his triumph.



"Failing and Flying" by Jack Gilbert, from Refusing Heaven. © Alfred A. Knopf, 2005 .

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

April 15--Jackie Robinson Day

Today is Jackie Robinson Day. On this day in 1947 he took a big step onto Brooklyn’s field as a Dodger.

Jack Roosevelt Robinson was not only the man who was the subject of  “baseball’s greatest experiment”, who put a face on the color change in baseball, he also changed the chemistry of America’s pastime as well as its color. Sports writer Mike Lupica says of Robinson: “He played with flash and arrogance and made ferocity an art. Baseball did not look the same after Jackie Robinson.”

But we have to remember that history rarely happens in big events and single moments. There were other people who were critical to Robinson’s being able to do take those courageous steps on April 15, 1947.

 Jackie Robinson was not the first black to play professional baseball. It might be more correct to say that he was the first black to cross the color line who was allowed to stay.  The very first black to play professional baseball in America was Moses Fleetwood Walker. Walker holds the dubious honor of being the first black to play pro ball and the last to still be playing before the final shut out of blacks in baseball by Jim Crow laws.  Walker, a catcher from Ohio, was educated at Oberlin College and the University of Michigan and played ball at both schools before joining Toledo’s professional team in 1884.  Moses Fleetwood Walker set a precedent.

The refusal to allow blacks in pro ball meant that black ball players had to form their own teams and their own leagues. This formation of all black teams led to one of the most glorious periods in baseball history.

 There is a tendency I think for baseball fans to look at the Negro Leagues as the poor cousin to “real” baseball. Stories of barnstorming days give the sense that black baseball was an inferior game and organization. This could not be farther from the truth. Most of the bad conditions for Negro leaguers came after integration of the game. In their prime The Negro Leagues were multi-million dollar operations, among the largest black businesses in the United States, which sent millions of dollars into and through the community. .

Negro League star Josh Gibson was the greatest player of that time. He is now considered by most baseball historians to be the greatest baseball player of all time. One of the games most natural hitters, Gibson played for Pittsburgh’s Homestead Grays. Gibson’s hitting prowess outshined Babe Ruth. In one season Gibson hit 89 home runs, 29 more than Ruth’s record. And Gibson is the only player to ever hit a home run out of Yankee Stadium.

Without Josh Gibson Jackie Robinson’s moment would never have come. Josh Gibson showed fans what black ball players could do and he showed major league owners what black fans could mean to the business of baseball.  The Homestead Grays, who played in any town that had a ballpark available for rent, set attendance records in most of the big league parks along the east coast and through the mid west. Josh Gibson was the hot draw and fans- black and white -- came from all over and sold out every game to see him play.

Those sold out houses were not lost on another important baseball man, Branch Rickey, president and general manager of the Brooklyn Dodgers. Rickey had been managing baseball teams all of his adult life, and when he came to the Dodgers he inherited an aging team and declining audience. He wanted to win a pennant and he knew that the hottest talent in the game was in the Negro Leagues.

Rickey knew that the draw for those games while mostly black included white fans who loved the more energetic brand of baseball played by the all black teams. Rickey spent more than two years orchestrating Robinson’s first step onto Ebbets Field. Rickey was willing to endure the scorn of all of the other major league owners and managers.

But ultimately it was Jackie Robinson who had to step onto that field, and who agreed to Rickey’s offer and Rickey’s terms. And the terms were tough: Robinson promised, “no reaction, no matter what” for three years. That was not easy for Jackie. He had to put up with bean balls aimed at his head, spikes aimed at his shins and the ugly names aimed at him and at his family.

Rickey admitted later that, “Jackie had to turn the other cheek so often that he had no other cheek left – both were beaten off.” But Jackie Robinson was not Jesus and not Gandhi. It is unfair to characterize him as a man of superior spiritual character who took his enemies racist hatred and returned compassion and forgiveness. He did not. Robinson swallowed a lot of that hatred. He was smart enough to know that this was the only way the “experiment” would work and he was wise enough to know that the men waiting behind him in the Negro Leagues depended on his fitting in. 

Robinson was the man who took the risk, who played the game and who changed its play in so many ways. But Branch Rickey can also be a role model for showing us that winning and making a profit do not have to be separate from making important social change.

Looking at these others who set the stage for Jackie Robinson doesn’t take anything away from him on this special day. Rather it may let us take away something that we can apply to our lives. There are many parts to play in making great social change. Most of them come without recognition and they can, like Rickey’s, come with very mixed motivations.


Few of us will have the opportunity to be the man or woman of the moment, to publicly enact history in such a dramatic way, but we all have opportunities to be one of the unnamed others, who, though unrecognized, are necessary to building the momentum and critical mass that allows the historical moment to happen.                         

Sunday, April 13, 2014

A Wendell Berry Poem on Spiritual Progress

A friend shared this poem that went straight to my heart. It is by Wendell Berry and it describes the sensation we have in a long recovery, of coming out of the woods.

Maybe you, like me, have those times when you feel you have barely changed, something hard is happening and you struggle, but when you look back you realize how far you’ve come and that you really are different.

When we look back we can see where we were before and we can see the graces that were there. It gives us the strength to go forward. We realize we have progressed and that there was grace. 

Here is the poem by Wendell Berry:

We travelers, walking to the sun,
can’t see
ahead, but looking back the very light
That blinded us shows us the way we came,
Along which blessings now appear, risen
As if from sightlessness to sight, and we,
By blessing brightly lit, keep going toward
That blessed light that yet to us is dark.

                                            
                                                      --Wendell Berry, Given: New Poems


Wednesday, April 09, 2014

Poems about Recovery --the Healing with Poetry


April is Poetry Month so,

“Let us remember…that in the end we go to poetry for one reason, so that we might more fully inhabit our lives and the world in which we live them, and that if we more fully inhabit these things, we might be less apt to destroy both.” --Christian Wiman

For this Poetry Month I’ll be posting some poems about recovery, and growth and how we change our lives. I hope you’ll make them part of your daily meditation and that you will share them too.
  
We begin with Mary Oliver who writes in “The Journey” about the experience that many of us had that got us here:

One day you finally knew

what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice-

though the whole house
began to tremble

and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,

though their melancholy
was terrible.

it was already late
enough,
and a wild night,

and the road full of fallen
branches
and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice

which you slowly
recognized as your own,

that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper

into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do
--
determined to save
the only life you could save.



Sunday, April 06, 2014

Two-Way Prayer--Part of Our AA History

You know the history of Alcoholics Anonymous and you also know that the basics of our AA grew out of the practices of the Oxford Group that began in Europe in the 1930's. What I didn't know, and maybe you are just learning as well is that the core of the Oxford Group practice was a spiritual ritual called "Two-Way Prayer".

Two Way Prayer was the invention of--or maybe the discovery of--The Oxford Group founder, American businessman Frank Buchman. He had a powerful surrender experience that freed him of some longstanding resentments and as he experienced the resentment leaving him he noticed that it allowed God to flow into his life.

He, like Bill Wilson later on codified his experience and taught others to use Two-Way Prayer and the organization became the Oxford Group that later Roland Hazard will bring to Ebby Thacher  and Ebby to Bill Wilson and Bill to Dr. Bob.

The elements of two-way prayer and the direct communication with God (In the Oxford practices) were teased apart by Bill and Bob and into what we now know as the twelve steps.

The basis of two-way prayer is a daily morning practice of sitting with a notebook or diary, getting very quiet and having a written conversation with God. (We might say Higher Power). The Oxford Group taught that it must be morning and in writing and at least ten minutes or more. You write to God and ask questions and then you listening quietly (or using active imagination) write back to yourself from God.

I have been trying Two Way prayer for the recommended 30 days and it is a very healing practice, and it recalls that part of our Big Book that says we will learn to hear our Higher Power's plans for us. It does work.

What is most fascinating is that early AA's were required to have this morning devotional and two way prayer each day. No exceptions. In fact, in the early days of AA going to meetings was considered a nicety but not required. But two way prayer and a daily practice of morning meditation was absolutely insisted upon.

To learn more please take a look at the website: Two Way Prayer. org. Or click on the link below for more information and to watch some brief talks describing the history and the technique.

http://www.twowayprayer.org/how-to-practice-two-way-prayer

Tuesday, April 01, 2014

The World is Too Much with Us

More than two hundred years ago the poet, William Wordsworth, wrote, “The world is too much with us; getting and spending we lay waste our powers.”

Many women in long-term recovery would agree with Wordsworth. Long after we gave up drink or pills or food we are still, often secretly, struggling with how we handle money, how much we shop, too many trips to the mall and painfully joking that, “My name is Diane and I am a shoe addict.”

Yes, it may be true that no one dies from a shoe overdose but it’s also true that we are not “happy, joyous and free” when we are obsessed, ashamed or afraid because of our money or shopping issues.

In the new book, “Out of the Woods” I write about clothes, and shoes and even ways that woman use cosmetics in recovery. It’s light-hearted but also deadly serious. Our growth simply continues and it can be easy to switch from a chemical addiction to a behavioral one. It’s all about our motives, honesty, self-care and talking honestly to other women in recovery. (Yes, I have spent time in a meeting checking out another woman’s clothing instead of the speaker’s message.)

In Chapter Nine of “Out of the Woods” I write about all the inventories I have taken: moral, emotional and sartorial. Yes, shopping and clothing and taking care of our appearance are women’s issues and they are recovery issues. The growth never stops –that can be bad news or good news. But the really good news is that we can laugh and heal at the same time.